If only I could go back and fix all things I’ve done wrong in life. . . If I could see those signs sooner, avert those sometimes awkward, sometimes painful, and oftentimes life-altering occurrences before they embedded themselves in my psychological DNA, life would be.
You fill in the blank. I’ve often heard this phrase and repeated it myself. If only there was the going back, the reliving in order to right life’s wrongs, life would be . . . different/better/lived. But there is no going back, no reliving, just the continued journey, slower than it was before, because you are older, wiser, and better able, hopefully, to identify crevices that don’t just inconvenience, but open to a new dark, stifling existence.
This week, I had the unpleasant opportunity to revisit one of my past crevices by way of another and I found it as dark and as stifling as it had been in my youth. The same abusive spirt resided, with a different culprit, in a different time and different space. Still, that darkness, that suffocation wrapped itself around me, welcoming me home, even though this new crevice did not belong to me. But for a moment . . . it did.
In the midst of the darkness, I realized having made it out, I am a light and I possess an “eye” that cannot unsee, and I, nor the owner of the crevice, had to get comfortable in this new existence. Because of the light emanating from our pasts, we could lead each other out.
There is no reliving, no do-overs, but there are second chances, maybe not in the life you are living, but in the lives of those you encounter. Reflecting back on my own crevice, remembering how I fell and remained there–embarrassed, ashamed, afraid–those memories paralyzed me for a moment, but when I assessed the situation and realized I was still in tact, there was pride, joy, celebration in knowing my past fall could lead to someone else’s “getting up and staying up.” That person’s near fall and immediate rise definitely led to my “getting up and staying up.” It served as a reminder of who I truly am and not what I was in the past and not what others say I am today.
People often want to remind you of who you were, of the missteps you’ve made in your past, but they are shortsighted. They do not understand those slips, those falls, have a purpose beyond what they see. Your second chance may be another’s first and since you are moving slower, and are older and wiser, you can now see clearly what was missed before. Having trudged through this week with feelings of disbelief, anger, and then celebration, I am grateful to be open, to possess that “eye” which allows me to truly see, not what is in front of me, but the way in which the past, present, and future, speak to one another, the way life travels across space and time in order to correct itself.
Just remember, “They’ve go so much things to say right now,” but they don’t know you. You are still learning you and those lessons hold second, third, infinity chances for us all. So, “let them keep talking, ’cause none of them walking.” You keep walking because you know what they do not, “When the rain falls, it don’t fall on one man’s housetop.” The same can be said of the sun, the light; that is the true lesson.